One day, while my friend and I were traveling through Germany, we were very hungry but we didn’t have a lot of money. We decided to stop at a village market to get a few groceries. I chose some cookies and went to the front counter to pay. Near the counter I saw some packaged cookies in a large bin. They looked good and were a lot cheaper than the ones I had in my hand, so I took them instead. We left the store and looked for a place where we could eat. We found a quiet place under a tree and we ate our sandwiches first, and then the cookies and We thought they were great. “Let’s get these again,” I said. “They’re cheap and they really taste good.” My friend can read some German, but I can’t, so I gave her the package so she could look for the brand name. She looked at it and then started to laugh. “Why are you laughing?” I asked. “Because they’re dog biscuits!” she said. One day a lion was walking through the jungle. He was young and very proud. He met a snake and said, “Who is the king of the jungle?” The snake said, “You are.” It did not make the lion angry and he smiled. Thirty metres later, he met a monkey and asked, “Monkey, Who is the king of the jungle?” The monkey said quickly, “You are.” The lion smiled and continued on his way. Next, the lion met a crocodile. He stopped and asked the crocodile, “Who is the king of the jungle?” The crocodile didn’t answer so the lion roared very loudly. “WHO IS THE KING OF THE JUNGLE?” The crocodile answered quickly, “You are.” The lion was satisfied and said, “Next time, answer quickly or I will eat you!” Finally, the lion met an elephant. He stopped, looked angrily at the elephant and asked, “Elephant, who is king of the jungle?” The elephant picked up the lion with his trunk and dropped him to the ground. The elephant kicked the lion and then jumped on top of him. The lion was very surprised and hurt. He got up, shook the dirt off and shouted, “YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET ANGRY JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER!” Once there was a Korean shopkeeper named Mr. Park. He lived in New York and had a small corner store for 45 years. He worked very hard, 16 hours every day and he never took a holiday. One day, his daughter arrived at the store and found Mr. Park lying on the floor. He had a heart attack! She called 911 and he was rushed to the hospital. He survived and was very weak, resting in the hospital. A day later he awoke and slowly looked around his hospital room. He asked in a weak voice, “Are you there, my dear wife?” “Yes,” she replied “I am here my dearest.” Mr. Park asked, “Are you here, my oldest son?” “Yes, I am here.” replied his oldest son. “Are you here, my daughter?” Mr. Park asked in a faint voice. “Yes, father, I am here.” the daughter replied with a tear in her eye. “Are you here, my youngest son?” asked Mr. Park. “Yes, papa. I am here by your side.” said the baby of the family. Suddenly Mr. Park’s eyes grew big and threw off the bed covers and jumped up, screaming, “SO THEN, WHO IS WATCHING THE STORE!” Henry Leech was a salesman. He was a good salesman and sold lots of vacuum cleaners. One week, the manager sent Henry into the countryside to sell. He drives out of town and stopped at a farmhouse. He knocked on the door and the farmer’s wife opened it. Henry started into his speech immediately. “Mam, how much time do you spend sweeping the floors? “ “A lot of time. This is a farm and things get dirty quickly.” said the woman. “And how much time do you spend beating the carpets?” asked Henry. “A lot of time. This house gets dusty and my dog also lays on them” “Well” said Henry, “This is your lucky day.” Henry showed her his vacuum cleaner and said, “You can clean the house in 5 minutes with this!” The farmer’s wife didn’t look interested. Henry took out a big bag of dirt. He opened it and threw it all over the floor. The farmer’s wife was very surprised. Before she could speak Henry said, “ Mam, if this machine doesn’t pick up every last piece of dirt, I will eat all of it!!!!!” The farmer’s wife looked at Henry and said, “WELL, I WILL GET YOU A SPOON. WE HAVE NO ELECTRICITY.” A woman needed to buy her mother a birthday present. She didn’t know what to buy her mother. She only had one day to buy her mother something. So she went out window shopping. Soon enough, she walked by a pet store window. She thought to herself, “What a lovely idea for a present! My mother is so lonely and she needs a pet.” The woman went into the store and saw many wonderful animals. Puppy dogs, fluffy cats,gold fish, cute mice. But the woman didn’t think these were special enough. She asked the manager if he had a pet that was really special. The manager thought for a moment and replied, “Yes, but it costs a lot of money. $5,000” “I have a parrot that can speak 7 languages, Chinese, English, French, Korean, German, Russian and even Hindi!” The woman said, “Perfect” and bought the bird. She sent it by special delivery to her mother, so she would get it the next day. The next evening after work, the woman called her mother. She asked, “How do you like your birthday present.” Her mother replied, “Thank you, IT’S DELICIOUS!” Linda Robinson was very thirsty so she went into a cafe. There was an old woman in the cafe. She was sitting near the door at a table. At her feet, under the table, there was a small dog. Linda bought a glass of lemonade and some cookies. She sat down at the table next to the old woman. The old woman sat quietly. She looked lonely. Linda decided to be kind and talk to the old woman. “It is very hot today.” she said. “Yes, but it is nice inside here.” replied the old woman. Linda looked at the dog and asked, “Does your dog like people.” The woman answered, “Oh! Yes! She loves people.” Linda wanted to give the dog a cookie. So she asked, “ Does your dog like cookies?” “They are his favourite food.” said the old lady. Linda was terribly afraid of dogs so she asked, “Does your dog bite?” The old woman smiled and said, “ NO! My dog is very tame. She is even afraid of cats!” Linda took a cookie in her hand and reached under the table. She put it near the dog’s mouth. But the dog didn’t bite the cookie, she bit her hand! Linda jumped up, spilling her lemonade. She screamed, “I thought you said, your dog didn’t bite.” The old woman looked at Linda and then at the dog. Then she said, “THAT’S NOT MY DOG!” A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were flying on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute and yelled to the passengers that they better jump, and he himself bailed out. Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one of the parachutes and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live to save other’s lives,” and jumped out. The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.” He also grabbed a parachute and jumped. The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.” The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Do not worry Father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my back pack.” An old woman was lonely. She decided to get a pet, She didn’t have much money so she went to a second hand pet shop. She saw many animals: a three legged cat, a dog without a tail, fish that could only swim backwards and a beautiful bird that could only say one thing, “Who is it?” and She decided to buy buy the bird. She bought a cage for her bird and went home. She put the bird by the door and went downtown to do some shopping. While she was gone, a man knocked on the door. “Who is it?” replied the parrot. “It’s the butcher,” he said. “Who is it?”, repeated the bird. “It’s the butcher,” said the man. “Who is it?” asked the parrot. “It’s the butcher!!,”, said the man angrily. “Who is it?” “It’s the butcher!!!!”, he screamed. “Who is it?” “It’s the butcher, the butcher, the butch…” Suddenly the butcher fell to the floor. He had had a heart attack. Later that day, the old woman came home and found the man laying on her doorstep. She opened her door and asked the parrot, “Who is it?” . The parrot replied, “It’s the butcher!” THE END